I would like to say thank you to the people who still follow my blog. I haven’t been on here in a very long time and I think it’s time that I begin writing again. I have been going through quite a bit of things but that isn’t the reason I quit writing on here. I quit because I become depressed and uninterested in my own writing. I know it sounds like an excuse but that’s the reason.
Some things in my life that happened during the time I was away are pretty intense to me and they came unexpectedly. (TRIGGER WARNING: Drug abuse, OD, Death, Anxiety, depression, Funerals, Grieving, Cancer,)
Well first of all my grandmother went to the hospital because she wasn’t getting any better, everyone thought she had the flu. So they take her to keep an eye on her, they eventually find that she had Aggressive Lung Cancer and it was spreading throughout her whole body. We all knew what that meant seeing as she was getting older anyways and the hospital wouldn’t put her as a priority since she is older. But they were caring and decided to put her in the Hospice. That was hard. At times she seemed to get better but we knew it was the drugs talking.
As that was happening, one day I get a call from my mother telling me that I needed to come back home and that my cousin had just Overdosed. I wasn’t thinking nothing of it because I’ve been to the hospital so many times over one of my family members. But then my mother said, “His body is being moved to the mortuary,” My heart sank because not only was my grandmother dying but now my cousin who I grew up with just passed away. I could only think one thing, ‘What is my aunt going to do?’ This thought is brought out because several years before she lost her other son to a car wreck. It didn’t seem fair that she would loose both of her sons, and then turn around that she is also loosing her mother.
Well that happened and we went to the funeral dressed in our best clothes. I had to watch on as my aunt and uncle grieves for their only son left. While I had no time to grieve that was until I looked up at the pictures being shown of my cousin. There I was as a baby in a stroller as my cousin is giving me my precious stuffed Barney. So I cried until I couldn’t anymore.
After the funeral we went home, just as soon as we got home we get a call that we need to come to the hospice care quick that my grandmother was on the brink of death. My heart was shattering and I was worried about my father who was keeping a brave face on the whole time. Not the mention my grandfather who had no clue what was happening because he still thought she was just sick. We didn’t want to tell him the truth even though it was inevitable. But I’ll tell you that later. We get to the hospice care center and she is barely holding on. But my grandmother is the biggest fighter you would ever learn about. So we waited.
She died the next day and questions about funeral costs, insurance, flowers, arrangements….so on and on came up. We were all just so tired and in the grieving process. Thankfully my uncle helped with everything he could but most the answers he needed were from her four children. My two aunts are strong women but they both fainted, my dad and uncle are amazing men but…this is their mother.
At the end the funeral was beautiful but I didn’t shred a tear until we had to say goodbye. Goodbye; to this woman I’ve known for all my live, Goodbye; to a woman I share a birthday with, Goodbye; to this amazing woman that almost raised me herself. The emotions just poured out of me.
Now you are probably wondering about my grandfather now. You see he has dementia and we did tell him about my grandmother; his wife. But the next day he forgot and we had to tell him again. It’s breaking someone’s heart over and over again. I couldn’t handle it. But it finally set in his mind because he made it to the funeral…and at this time is the absolute first time I have ever seen my grandfather cry.
Other stuff has been happening but those are the main things that happened. I just want to say. If you aren’t close with a family member just try to get to know them. You never know when they just won’t be there anymore and you’ll miss your chance.